2019, I'M COMING BACK

Everyone says it; "Next year is my year". And we really hope it is and we work for it to be, but sometimes we lose the stability to let it be our year. Of course, that saying gets jarring and overdone but even with the odds being that some of us have to fail, maybe we can make it our year. Which is why this is going to be my new goal for 2019 - to make it my year. 

On Pinterest (where I currently live), I saw a quote which I then shared on my Instagram story because I felt that it resonated with me. It says:

2016 changed me.

2017 broke me. 

2018 opened my eyes. 

2019 I'm coming back.

If my life doesn't match this exactly, then I don't know what would. I'm not going to lay out my personal life here right now but what I can say is there were things that happened which have shaped me and make these statements true. I will talk to you about 2018 though because it definitely opened my eyes. I think I've figured that out what I want in the last few months. So I'm planning to go in head-first this year to work hard on these and create my own path. 

I find that we are always a little lost with where we are going, in careers, love, the future as a whole. Yet we forget to realise that we can blaze our own trail, which is what I hope to achieve this year. Sometimes we need to be a bit selfish and self-centred (not overly, but a little) to go after what we want to be happy. So don't be afraid to take the leap of faith to explore your passions because if you don't, you'll live with the what if. 

Like last year I'm not making resolutions, I'm creating goals. Goals are more aspirational for me than resolutions, as I find resolutions so "be-all-end-all" rather than that something to work towards. I'm still taking some my 2018 goals into 2019 because certain things take more time, which is okay. Nothing is going to happen overnight, it takes hard work, dedication and determination along with a great deal of passion. 

Something that I did achieve and learn this year was to love myself. A journey that has been a long time coming is finally happening. I've beat myself up properly for nearly 9 years over the way I look, my character and just every little aspect of me. I let the words of others effect the way I saw myself in the mirror for so long that I couldn't see what was right in front me. I used to just constantly think I was fat and the funniest thing was a few months ago, Mum and I were looking through old photos and I was shocked. 

I saw a completely different version of myself. Someone who wasn't as big as I remember seeing in the mirror, my weight constantly fluctuating (which has been due to a medical issue I didn't even really know I had for most of those years) and just someone who shouldn't really have been beating herself up. No, I wasn't the slimmest person nor was I the strongest or healthiest, but I wasn't so bad that I should've hated myself for so long. So when I realised this, I honestly became more mad at myself but in a constructive way. 

I decided that from now on I should nurture myself and become stronger, both mentally an physically. I look after myself now - mind, body and spirit, which was one of my 2018 goals. I'm not ticking it off completely yet because there's still a way to go, but I'm pretty much there which is so important. So what does that mean for 2019? Well it means I need to stand a little taller, have the old confidence I used to and make more of an effort to be happy. 

Outfit: Tank & Lace Cami - Primark (old) // Jeans - Levi's // Shoes - Aldo // Bag - Charles & Keith

But back to the point of how 2019 will be my year. 

I plan to continue putting myself first in the best way possible - dive into my passions, explore more of the world, expand my horizons because that's what we should all be doing. We should be feeding our minds and souls to make life the best it can be. 

My to-do list for 2019:

- Take better care of me. 
- Create more exciting content that is more in tune with me. 
- Read more (feed my soul with literature)
- Spend more time with the people I love and less with my phone.
- TRAVEL: a itch, an urge burning inside me that needs to be satisfied. 
- Celebrate the successes and the failures that come my way. 
- Find new exciting activities to do and revisit old ones (like going to museums or art galleries). 
- Finish learning French and start a new language. 
- Develop my photography skills. 

These are little things that I can do to make my year the best it can be. So why not make it your year by stopping the doubt and just saying "yes" to what you want. Let go of the past, what's held you back, what people have said. Just look to the future; what can you make out of it? How can you make it what you want it to be? If you can answer those questions, then you can work to make 2019 your year. So take a moment on this last day of the year to reflect and think about what you hope this next year brings. Write down those goals, note down the dreams and see how you make them a reality. Don't continue to let them live in your imagination. Chase them. 

Happy New Year my loves, I'll see you in 2019. 

Lots of love, 

Emily xx